Seeds of Grief

July 24th, 2025

We often think of grief as desolation in the aftermath of loss. Something that was there is no longer there, at least in the same shape, presence, and form. In its absence, we experience an emptiness or darkness that can be difficult to traverse through. It is in this dark and empty space that grief shows up as a guide, inviting our attention and asking us to transform. There is often a sense that if we acknowledge the grief we are carrying, that we will not survive. That we will be shattered or swallowed whole. If this is a fear that you carry, I promise you, you are not alone. Each of us is tending to a wound. To one or many loses. And somewhere inside of us, there is a fear we will not survive. But if we are to not only survive, but live more fully through our losses, grief is a passage we must go through. Earnestly, with humility and with care.

If we look to the natural world, we can see that in the darkness, earth is teeming with life. Nocturnal plants and animals are busy as we sleep. Bats feed and migrate. Moths pollinate as night-blooming jasmine perfumes. These beings that live awake in the darkness can teach us a lot about grief. About navigating a terrain that requires us to feel, to rely on our senses rather than to know or think our way through. All life grows from these seemingly dark and empty spaces. If you have ever planted a seed and watched it grow into a sprout, you know that there is nothing and then one day, there is something. Yet in that nothingness and seemingly empty space, there is an entire symphony of visible and invisible beings. Elements and energies working together to bring forth new life.

Seeds are the material through which life not only continues but evolves. It is the space where the past, present, and future commune, give birth, and unfold. If we think about grief as a seed, what changes in how we relate and orient to our grief? And what kind of potential would live within these tiny, primordial pods? If we decide to choose our own lives, to be active participants in our own unique and precious unfolding, then we must face the life (and death) in front of us. We do not need to know everything. We do not even need to know how. Like seeds, we encapsulate everything we need to grow fully through our lives within our cells. Everything we need to grow, sprout, bloom, live, die, and survive is inside of us.

When we do not adequately tend to grief, life stagnates. We become stuck in the past and our pain cannot move. While it sometimes feels like the last thing we can or want to do, tending to our grief is necessary, not only for growing new life, but for spiritual, emotional, and evolutionary learning and repair. When we accept this responsibility, we can change. We become wiser and mature. Not only individually, but in relationship with all of the life that we are a part of. We need only to listen. To be guided through the darkness. To follow the glow and pulse as it pulls us. To follow our own heart.

At a time when our relationship to ourselves, to life, death, and the earth, has become ruptured, what if we imagine the tending of our grief as a gift that we give to the earth? Our way of taking care of our collective environment? Of making way for new growth and potential and life? If your grief were a seed you could give to the earth, what would you plant? How would you tend to its becoming? What would you give it to grow? There is infinite possibility and potential. Every moment we turn towards grief with the intention of presence and love, we are planting something new. May our seeds be nourished and grow strong.

Written and shared with love.
- mai

Note: Seeds of Grief is a title given to me by my teacher and mentor, Reverend Jennie Lee. I offer her gratitude for all of her teaching and inspiration. Thank you, Jennie! <3

mai cortez doan is a writer, facilitator, and grief doula living in Albuquerque, NM.
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